So, I checked out Law & Order’s episode from last night and it gave me a HUGE headache. The episode told the story of a 16-year-old girl and a 18-year-old boy who, during a school dance, snuck into the dark room for a make-out session. Even with MY knowledge of sexual rights and laws, I was unsure that there was a case here….at least anything other than statutory rape. To be honest, I wasn’t sure where all of this was going to go. The girl, Abby, seemed to be a little hesitant, but didn’t put up a fight. She said to slow down, but did not tell Chris to stop. This seemed to be a case of regrettable decision making.
Here are the problems I have:
1.) A CHILD (under 18) definitely doesn’t understand the FULL implications of sexual activity. Abby repeated over and over again how she thought they were going to the dark room just to make out. She was just trying to get Chris to like her, by wearing a sexy dress and perfume and by sexting with him. She thought that Chris “knew what it meant” when she told him to slow down and that she didn’t want him going “down there.” Isn’t this what TV teaches our children to do? If a girl likes a boy, she is SUPPOSED TO dress sexy for him. She is SUPPOSED TO kiss him. She is SUPPOSED TO be sexting with him. The only time reality hit this girl is when she was becoming physical with the boy and realized that it didn’t feel the way she imagined.
2.) MAKING BAD CHOICES DOES NOT EQUAL RAPE. I have been there. I have been raped before. But I’ve also made a bad decision (or two) that I wish I could take back. I think that BOTH women and men should know and understand that. If you went to bed with “beer goggles” and woke up in the morning (after REMEMBERING the completely consensual sex the night before) with a “Plus Size Patti,” you might feel some regret. That DOES NOT mean that Patti raped you. That means you need to drink fewer beers in the future.
3.) ….BUT BEING UNABLE TO GIVE CONSENT DOES…. There’s a movement going around where men are actively making sure to get informed consent before having sex. I think that’s a GREAT idea! There are so many MEN who have no idea that a girl is giving them the NO. Any time that your partner is unable to speak or signal a CLEAR yes or no, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX. PERIOD. Guys tend to think that if they don’t get it now, that they never will. That’s incorrect. Girls will actually go crazy over a guy who RESPECTS her and her wishes. If you can be a gentleman, it almost assures that (when she’s ready) you’re going to be the first one she calls.
4.) STOP BLAMING THE VICTIM! There is a gross cancer in this country that allows men to ask questions like “what was she wearing?” “did she kiss you?” “did she send you nude pictures?” WHO CARES!?!?!? The problem is: MEN DON’T BELIEVE THAT A WOMAN CAN CHOOSE TO STOP HAVING SEX ONCE THINGS HAVE GOTTEN STARTED! And it is NOT TRUE! Ladies, you have FULL CONTROL over your body and you can choose to leave in the middle of sex if you want to. (It’s not the NICEST thing to do, but you have that right!)
5.)….AND START BLAMING THE RAPISTS…. I’m soooooooo tired of hearing about the job that a rapist has, or how much he’s given to the community, or whatever. What I want to hear is CONVICTIONS! These people need to be on the Sex Offender List. They need to stop getting breaks for the good they do, and start paying for the bad. If that’s the case, I can just go out and rape the head of a corporation! As long as I throw a check at it and build a “community center” it’s not rape,right? It’s just good old prostitution at that point……..BOTH ARE STILL ILLEGAL.
PoetRaeMonet, author of ‘The Birds, the Bees, and the Boudoir,’ delivers bold and empowering erotic poems to address the blatant lack of Sexual Education in America. A Washington, DC native, Rae has a natural talent for wordplay, making her an accomplished poet, author, and songwriter. She is featured weekly on The Oral Hour and Chocolate Thursdays on the Hilltop Radio Show and is a contributor to Primo Fashions USA Magazine. Find her book here: amzn.to/1GqoZ2h